This post will be all about deciding between eloping vs wedding. I hope this post will serve you as a guide in this important and delicate decision-making process.
Estimated Reading Time: 9 minutes
So you’ve found the love of your life, now what?
You get to decide how you will be celebrating your wedding day.
Big emphasis on YOU because, at the end of the day, you should be the one deciding how you want your big day to look, without giving in to external pressures from friends, family, or societal norms.
Eloping vs Wedding: What is the difference?
Before we jump into the decision-making process, let’s establish the key differences between eloping vs wedding.
What Defines a Traditional Wedding?
A traditional wedding can be as big or small as you wish. However, traditionally, it involves a larger number of guests compared to an elopement ceremony.
Also, typically, a traditional wedding demands months or even a year of planning, complete with save-the-dates, invitations, bridesmaids, cocktail hour, and a lot of money. However, while traditional weddings offer the opportunity to celebrate these special moments among friends and family, they can also bring added stress and expectations.
What Defines Eloping?
Eloping, on the other hand, is often seen as a spur-of-the-moment event. I’ve even seen it referred to as scandalous. However, I don’t see anything scandalous about it.
On the most basic level, it is simply a choice outside of conventional norms, and that is what we’re all about on this page.
Eloping is an intimate wedding option that allows you to avoid the extensive planning associated with traditional weddings which allows you to savor the moments. It is all about deciding that you’re ready for marriage with your partner and taking that leap on your timeline, free from the constraints of finances and a lengthy planning process.
Many view it as an opportunity to concentrate solely on the commitment you’re making to the other person. Unfortunately, (depending on who you ask) this may also mean some of your closest friends and/or family members who may have been anticipating celebrating this moment with you may be excluded.
The Growing Trend of Choosing Eloping vs Wedding
With the growing trend of eloping, the concept has certainly evolved. It used to mean spontaneously flying to Las Vegas, getting married, and keeping it a secret until your return. No pressure, just you and the love of your life.
While this traditional form of eloping still exists, elopement has transformed into a definition of an intimate event, as opposed to one with a crowd and a strict timeline.
Just like everything else, the wedding industry’s expectations have skyrocketed, leading many couples to reassess their options. Personally, I believe the wedding industry has lost its mind because according to Newsweek, the average cost of a wedding is $33,204.
The idea of spending tens of thousands of dollars on a single day has become increasingly questionable, making a lot of couples seek alternatives that better align with their values.
Things to Consider When Choosing Between Eloping vs Wedding
1. Understand your priorities
When deciding between a big wedding or a private ceremony, the first consideration should be what YOU want. Before contemplating your mom’s saved wedding dress or your grandma’s expectations, prioritize your own preferences.
What is important to you?
I know this may seem a little selfish at first, but unless everyone is signing up for months of wedding planning stress and credit card debt with you, nobody gets to decide how your wedding day is going to look.
When noting your priorities, consider what you would have to sacrifice if you went with one or the other.
Consider the Trade-Offs
- “If we have a traditional wedding, we will have to use our house down payment to pay for it.”
- “If we elope, we might miss out on celebrating the occasion with our close friends or immediate family.”
- “If we have a traditional wedding, we might have to lower our honeymoon budget.”
- “If we elope, our parents might be disappointed we’re not having a traditional wedding like they did.”
Ultimately, with both options, you’re getting married; the distinction lies in being $30k+ poorer or disappointing your family.
It’s also possible you actually prefer having a traditional wedding, but your budget may not allow it now.
In that case, it all boils down to priorities. If marrying sooner is important to you, plan a traditional wedding within your current budget. Otherwise, wait until a later date when you’re more financially ready. There is no strict deadline for when you have to get married. Do what is right for you.
2. List out the Pros and Cons of Eloping
Eloping Pros
- Focus on the Couple: Eloping allows the couple to prioritize their connection and commitment without the distractions and expectations of a larger audience.
- Cost-Effectiveness: Eloping is typically more budget-friendly, saving couples from the financial strain associated with traditional weddings.
- Reduced Stress: Eloping often involves minimal planning, making it a less stressful experience. Couples can avoid the intricate details, coordination, and potential conflicts that come with planning a traditional wedding.
- Location: With an elopement, couples can choose from many beautiful places. Depending on their preferences, they can marry in the mountains, on a beach, or in their favorite city. The choices are endless.
- Spontaneity: Eloping provides the opportunity for a more spontaneous celebration, allowing couples to decide on marriage and carry out their plans without extensive preparation.
- Personalization: Couples eloping can still tailor the ceremony to their personal preferences, including personal vows, unique traditions, and a focus on elements that hold special meaning to them.
Eloping Cons
- Possible Disappointment for Family and Friends: Eloping may leave loved ones feeling excluded and disappointed for not being part of the celebration.
- Lack of Traditional Elements: For those who value cultural or religious traditions, eloping may not fulfill those expectations, as it tends to be a more informal and casual celebration.
- Limited Guest Involvement: Eloping usually involves a smaller guest count or, in some cases, no guests at all. This limited involvement may affect the communal aspect of the celebration.
- Potential Social Pressure: Some couples may face societal expectations and judgment for not adhering to the conventional norms of a traditional wedding, leading to unwanted opinions.
3. List out the Pros and Cons of a Traditional Wedding
Pros of Traditional Wedding
- Inclusion of Family and Friends: Traditional weddings provide an opportunity to celebrate with a broader community, including family, friends, and acquaintances.
- Traditions and Customs: Many couples appreciate the cultural or religious rituals and customs that come with a traditional wedding, adding a meaningful and sentimental layer to the celebration.
- Memorable Celebrations: Traditional weddings often offer the chance for a memorable celebration with beautiful decorations, music, and other elements that contribute to the special atmosphere.
- Photo Opportunities: The larger scale of a traditional wedding provides more opportunities for stunning and photogenic moments, capturing the couple’s special day in a visually appealing manner.
- Gifts and Support: Guests often bring gifts and offer support to the newlyweds, helping them start their married life with practical kitchen accessories and sometimes large appliances.
Cons of Traditional Wedding
- Higher Cost: Traditional weddings can be significantly more expensive especially when factoring in wedding venue costs, catering, decorations, and other expenses.
- Stressful Planning and Coordination: The intricate details involved in planning a traditional wedding can be overwhelming, leading to stress and potential conflicts, especially if there are disagreements among family members or the couple. Wedding planners are often a luxury.
- Having to be the Center of Attention: This one is for my introverts and may seem silly to those who don’t feel this way, but having a day where all eyes are on you for 24 hours sounds like a nightmare and simply this, beyond everything else, can be a reason to not have a traditional wedding.
- Potential for Family Conflicts and Expectations: Balancing the expectations of different family members and managing potential conflicts can become a challenge.
- Limited Flexibility in Location: Traditional weddings are often held in established venues, limiting the couple’s choice of location compared to the flexibility offered by elopements.
- Formalities and Traditions: While some couples appreciate traditions, others may find the formalities associated with a traditional wedding restrictive and prefer a more personalized and relaxed celebration.
- Pressure to Conform: Societal expectations and the influence of the wedding industry can create pressure for couples to conform to certain norms and standards, potentially overshadowing their unique love story.
4. Budget Considerations
Do you know that meme about boomers buying homes in 1969 for the price of 7 raspberries?
No?
I’m going to link it here. I know off-topic, but I promise I’m making a point here.
I know, I couldn’t believe it either.
Unlike virtually everything else, weddings have been expensive and continue to be so. Yet, we continue to give in to the pressure of spending all of our savings on a singular day. Because of this, I think it’s important to consider alternatives that better align with personal values and financial realities.
Budgeting Tips for Both Options
While wedding costs are consistently high, there are opportunities to save money even with a traditional wedding. Some suggestions may involve sacrifices, but in most cases, the savings are worthwhile.
RELATED POST: How to Budget Using 50 30 20 Spreadsheet
Budgeting Tips for a Traditional Wedding
1. Establish a realistic budget
Determine the overall budget for your wedding and allocate funds by key component. To start, consider the heavy hitters such as venue, catering, wedding dress, entertainment, and flowers. Some people may be okay with sacrificing the cost of a DJ to ensure beautiful photographer coverage of their first dance or first look. Determine the most important thing to you, and opt to save some money on others.
2. Prioritize your guest list
The number of guests significantly impacts costs. Be selective with your guest list to manage expenses associated with catering, seating, and invitations. The cost of stamps adds up quickly. What is it like $0.60 per stamp now?
3. Shop around for vendors
Research and obtain quotes from multiple vendors, including venues, caterers, and photographers. A good rule of thumb is to get at least 3 quotes! This allows you to find the best value for the services you need.
4. Consider off-peak times and days
Choosing a less popular wedding date or time can lead to potential cost savings, as venues and vendors may offer discounts during off-peak seasons. When speaking with your venues, ask about these options.
Budgeting Tips for Eloping
1. Determine your priorities
Identify the aspects that matter most to you as a couple, whether it’s the destination, photography, or a special experience. Allocate your budget accordingly.
2. Research destination costs
Understand the expenses associated with your chosen elopement destination, including travel, accommodation, and any required permits or fees.
3. Consider all-inclusive packages
Some destinations offer elopement packages that bundle services like officiants, photographers, and accommodations, potentially saving you money compared to individual bookings.
4. DIY elements
Start crafting! Embrace DIY aspects for decor, attire, or even the ceremony itself to keep costs down while adding a personal touch.
Planning and Logistics
Contrary to the previously mentioned conventional perception that elopements involve spontaneous flights to Las Vegas, elopements don’t have to be far away and only witnessed by strangers.
Modern elopements can take various forms, offering couples the flexibility to choose an intimate setting that resonates with their preferences. Here are some elopement setting options that go beyond the traditional stereotypes:
City Hall
Many couples opt for the simplicity and elegance of a City Hall elopement. City Halls often provide beautiful architecture and a formal setting for a small and meaningful ceremony. With minimal planning required, couples can bring their marriage licenses, exchange vows, and capture the essence of their commitment all in 1 place.
1-Hour Wedding Venues
Several venues now cater specifically to couples seeking a quick yet meaningful wedding experience. These venues offer hour-long wedding packages, providing a stress-free yet intimate setting for couples looking to elope without the need for extensive planning. It’s the best option for those who want a touch of formality without the stress.
Public Land
For nature lovers looking for an adventurous elopement, public lands can be a breathtaking option. National parks, beaches, and scenic landscapes offer a stunning setting for an intimate ceremony. Check online whether permits are required.
Airbnb
Choosing an Airbnb as the elopement venue allows couples to merge the intimate and personal feel of a home setting with the convenience of a hotel. Whether it’s a cozy cabin in the woods, a beachfront property, or an urban loft, Airbnb rentals provide a private and comfortable space for couples to exchange vows with a select group of loved ones. Some restrictions may apply so please be sure to check in with your host before booking an Airbnb for elopement or large gathering purposes.
These elopement setting options prove that eloping can be a thoughtful and intentional choice, involving careful consideration of the setting and atmosphere. The key is to choose a setting that reflects the couple’s personality and allows them to celebrate their love authentically.
How do I communicate my decision to elope?
If you’ve decided to elope, this decision will require open and honest conversations with family and friends. If you want to make sure there are no hard feelings after your elopement from your family, it is really important to address their expectations, share your reasons, and consider finding a middle ground if possible. Remember, it’s your day, and your loved ones will likely support your decision once they understand your perspective.
Want to avoid in-person conversations or give your family a fair warning before sitting down at the dinner table? Here is a prompt to get the ball rolling. Obviously, you would adjust it to fit your unique situation or reasons.
Example of Communicating the Decision of Elopement
“Hi, mom, dad, grandma, etc..
[Partner’s Name] and I have made an important decision we’d like to share with you. We’ve decided to elope and celebrate our marriage in a more private setting.
This decision wasn’t made lightly, and we want you to know how much we value and love our family. We’ve chosen this path because we believe it aligns with our personal timeline and the way we want to begin this new chapter.
I understand this may come as a surprise, and I genuinely hope you can understand our perspective. Our intention is not to diminish the importance of our family but to create a moment that feels authentic to us.
I would love to have a conversation with you to share more details and hear your thoughts. Your support means the world to us, and we hope you can celebrate this decision with us in your hearts.”
Final Thoughts: Eloping vs Wedding
At the end of the end, there is no right or wrong choice between eloping vs wedding. It’s about what feels right for you as a couple. Trust your instincts, prioritize your values, and choose the journey that aligns with your unique love story. Whether it’s an intimate elopement or a grand celebration, I hope your wedding day is a reflection of the love you share. Cheers to your happily ever after!
This post was all about eloping vs wedding and I hope it will serve you as the ultimate guide in making the right choice for you and your significant other.
